Money is idolized by the world as an object that can solve all your problems. If that was true Hollywood stars would have no problem keeping a marriage intact. Financial problems is one of the main reasons spouses fight in a marriage. The LDS church put out a pamphlet by Elder Marvin J. Ashton called "One for the Money" that explains ways to deal with money. In the pamphlet he tells a story of a young couple that came in to see him. During this time he asked the couple who they have decided is going to take care of the finances during the marriage. They looked at each other with huge eyes realizing that they have not even talked about the financial responsibility. Take time to talk with a future spouse in order to understand what the financial status of the future family. Be prepared for unexpected events because they do happen.
The principle Elder Ashton says:
1. Pay an honest tithing
2. Learn to manage money before it manages you
3. Learn self-discipline and self-restraint in money matters
4. Use a budget
5. Teach family members early the importance of working and earning
6. Teach children to make money decisions in keeping with their capacities to comprehend
7. Teach each family member to contribute to the total family welfare
8. Make education a continuing process
9. Work toward home ownership
10. Appropriately involve yourself in an insurance program
11. Understand the influence of external forces on family finances and investments
12. Appropriately involve yourself in a food storage and emergency preparedness program
These principles affect the family in bringing them closer together through making decisions and acting on these decisions. Take the time to discuss these things now and it will help save a family and a marriage later on in life.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Hello?! Can you hear me? Golly gee we need COMMUNICATION!
There are multiple ways of communicating and everyone thinks their way of communicating is the right way. When a marriage happens between two separate beings with two very separate ideas on communication that can lead to problems when not directly dealt with. Our teacher, Brother Williams gave an example in class between the different ways his wife's family and his family show appreciation to another person. He had worked painting her car for many many hours and when she saw what he did she said, "Hey, thanks." Brother Williams is used to having someone show so much appreciation saying, "Oh thanks you so much, I truly appreciate what you have done for me, I cannot show enough gratitude..etc" The way she acted was not wrong but made Brother Williams feel like she really did not care for the work he had done for her.
A raising of an eyebrow can mean multiple different things in different families and coming from different people. In class we found that some believed this gesture to mean 'you are in trouble' 'tell me the gossip' 'i did something that you would be interested in' etc. In another one of my classes on campus we used a listener/speaker technique where the listener will ask the speaker to clarify the understanding of what they are saying. This way you can avoid misunderstandings within the partnership. This takes time and knowledge to work with your partner and make sure they understand what you are saying, how you are saying it, and even the nonverbal gestures one can do.
Be careful with how you are communicating with your spouse, family, and everyone. Be cautioned with sarcasm. I thought about when it is good to use sarcasm and I could not think of any. Think about it! Know what you are doing and learn what your spouse is communicating to you. It will bring you closer together when you can understand each other.
A raising of an eyebrow can mean multiple different things in different families and coming from different people. In class we found that some believed this gesture to mean 'you are in trouble' 'tell me the gossip' 'i did something that you would be interested in' etc. In another one of my classes on campus we used a listener/speaker technique where the listener will ask the speaker to clarify the understanding of what they are saying. This way you can avoid misunderstandings within the partnership. This takes time and knowledge to work with your partner and make sure they understand what you are saying, how you are saying it, and even the nonverbal gestures one can do.
Be careful with how you are communicating with your spouse, family, and everyone. Be cautioned with sarcasm. I thought about when it is good to use sarcasm and I could not think of any. Think about it! Know what you are doing and learn what your spouse is communicating to you. It will bring you closer together when you can understand each other.
Friday, November 11, 2011
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! A CRISIS!!!!!!!!!!
One thing I never wanted for my family was to have a crisis. The thought of growing as a family from having a crisis made me squirm with horror. Who would ever want that for their family?
My twin sister was ran over by a car at the age of three. I would define this as a crisis for my family. My mother and father remained calm but I could tell, although I was only three, that they were worried for their daughters safety. They immediately ran her to the doctors because my mother trusted our doctor with everything. They found that she had a broken pelvis but with the miracle that it was only broken in one spot. Most pelvis bones break in two spots which cause a lot of problems. She did not have to be in a cast or worry about the alignment of her body, it would heal correctly, the only thing she had to worry about was the pain. I was a mess, sitting in corners holding my doll so tight and crying my mother had no clue what to do with me. My twin was hurt and I couldn't help her. My maturity level was not high enough to realize she will be alright all I could see was her bruises and hear her cries.She healed up and with only a few tire scars on her stomach nothing else remains.
And again I think, how was this good for my family? One thing I realized is the closeness I got with my sister. Although we were already close as close I knew I never wanted to lose her. My siblings and I became protective of her even though she did not want it have us doing it all the time. As a family we grew closer because of the love and care we have for each other. When one of us is in trouble you have the whole clan there to support you through your troubles. Crises are hard to make through sometimes but knowing that your family is there for you makes you believe you can make it through anything.
My twin sister was ran over by a car at the age of three. I would define this as a crisis for my family. My mother and father remained calm but I could tell, although I was only three, that they were worried for their daughters safety. They immediately ran her to the doctors because my mother trusted our doctor with everything. They found that she had a broken pelvis but with the miracle that it was only broken in one spot. Most pelvis bones break in two spots which cause a lot of problems. She did not have to be in a cast or worry about the alignment of her body, it would heal correctly, the only thing she had to worry about was the pain. I was a mess, sitting in corners holding my doll so tight and crying my mother had no clue what to do with me. My twin was hurt and I couldn't help her. My maturity level was not high enough to realize she will be alright all I could see was her bruises and hear her cries.She healed up and with only a few tire scars on her stomach nothing else remains.
And again I think, how was this good for my family? One thing I realized is the closeness I got with my sister. Although we were already close as close I knew I never wanted to lose her. My siblings and I became protective of her even though she did not want it have us doing it all the time. As a family we grew closer because of the love and care we have for each other. When one of us is in trouble you have the whole clan there to support you through your troubles. Crises are hard to make through sometimes but knowing that your family is there for you makes you believe you can make it through anything.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Affair Proofing my Relationship
In Wednesday's class we discussed possibilities that can come through seemingly innocent acts. Facebook is a new way to connect with people that is an amazing thing when used in the right way but a death trap for a marriage if used wrongly. Connecting with an old fling from high school can be a dangerous act of connecting with strong bonds other than those with the most important person in your life, your spouse. The emotional connectivity you can receive just by talking through facebook can slowly tear a part a husband and wife. As we discussed all the precautions you can take as a couple to prevent such events I realized my husband and I have not talked or figured out our boundaries. I noticed that he would take time to talk to other girls on facebook that made me feel uncomfortable but he did not notice it to be weird. I discussed with him my worries and he immediately told me that he will stop because he did not want to put people between us. It takes talking and realizing your surroundings to prevent such things but it is possible.
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