Getting old...what now?

During Fridays class I began to ponder the life of my own grandparents. All four still alive but living very different lives. My grandmother on my mother's side was diagnosed with Alzheimer when I was in kindergarten. My mother's dad has had multiple surgeries on his back, has trouble walking, and is in constant pain. We grew up from this set of grandparents till about seventh grade for me until we moved away. After we moved away they knew they needed to leave nearby one of their children so they moved to Texas next to my Aunt. My family and I visited every summer to visit and help out with things. It was getting very hard on my grandpa to take care of my grandma. She was heading downhill fast with alzheimers and was beginning to run away from the house. One day she ran away and by the time my grandfather could catch up with her she was on the ground. He tried to pick her up but was too week and sore to help her. This was a turning point for my grandpa, he knew he needed help. They lived in a huge home that was hard for him to get around with plenty of places for my grandma to hide. It was then that as a family we decided that an nurses home is where grandma needed to go. We moved them both to a facility that had a more advanced nursing staff for my grandma and an assisted living side for my grandpa and his dog to stay. My grandma's room is through some doors down the hallway so that he can visit her everyday. It is hard for him to live in this retirement home but he knows that it is much better than how his life was going in Texas. As a family we need to make sure he feels loved and remembered, visiting him often.

This compared to my other set of grandparents that have served one mission in Texas and two service missions are more active than ever. They have a lovely home in Utah that my grandma is constantly cleaning. They know this is a good place for them because they have control of their bodies and their actions. It is sad sometimes to put elderly in nursing homes but depending on the circumstances it can be for the best. Just remember to include them in the decision and make sure you do not forget about them.

Parenting

Disciplining a child shows love to a child. I know that is weird sounding to some but if you look deeper you can understand more. Structure is one thing children crave and it is a parents' responsibility to fulfill that need for a child. Using natural and logical consequences can help build that structure. Making logical consequences get the child involved in what the consequence should be for a certain behavior in order to give the responsibility to the child. Also make sure that the consequence is one that is logical connected to the behavior. Natural consequences are ones that happen naturally in nature. For example if you do not study for your test, naturally you are going to get a bad grade.

When Natural Consequences is not the answer:
1. Danger!
2. Lesson too far off
3. Affecting someone else

"I" Messages
When you ____________________
I feel ________________________
Because _____________________
I would like ___________________

This can feel awkward at first but gets the message across clearly. This method can be used instead of blaming a person directly. You are being critical of the behavior instead of a person.

Money, Money, Money

Money is idolized by the world as an object that can solve all your problems. If that was true Hollywood stars would have no problem keeping a marriage intact. Financial problems is one of the main reasons spouses fight in a marriage. The LDS church put out a pamphlet by Elder Marvin J. Ashton called "One for the Money" that explains ways to deal with money. In the pamphlet he tells a story of a young couple that came in to see him. During this time he asked the couple who they have decided is going to take care of the finances during the marriage. They looked at each other with huge eyes realizing that they have not even talked about the financial responsibility. Take time to talk with a future spouse in order to understand what the financial status of the future family. Be prepared for unexpected events because they do happen.

The principle Elder Ashton says:
1. Pay an honest tithing
2. Learn to manage money before it manages you
3. Learn self-discipline and self-restraint in money matters
4. Use a budget
5. Teach family members early the importance of working and earning
6. Teach children to make money decisions in keeping with their capacities to comprehend
7. Teach each family member to contribute to the total family welfare
8. Make education a continuing process
9. Work toward home ownership
10. Appropriately involve yourself in an insurance program
11. Understand the influence of external forces on family finances and investments
12. Appropriately involve yourself in a food storage and emergency preparedness program

These principles affect the family in bringing them closer together through making decisions and acting on these decisions. Take the time to discuss these things now and it will help save a family and a marriage later on in life.

Hello?! Can you hear me? Golly gee we need COMMUNICATION!

There are multiple ways of communicating and everyone thinks their way of communicating is the right way. When a marriage happens between two separate beings with two very separate ideas on communication that can lead to problems when not directly dealt with. Our teacher, Brother Williams gave an example in class between the different ways his wife's family and his family show appreciation to another person. He had worked painting her car for many many hours and when she saw what he did she said, "Hey, thanks." Brother Williams is used to having someone show so much appreciation saying, "Oh thanks you so much, I truly appreciate what you have done for me, I cannot show enough gratitude..etc" The way she acted was not wrong but made Brother Williams feel like she really did not care for the work he had done for her.

A raising of an eyebrow can mean multiple different things in different families and coming from different people. In class we found that some believed this gesture to mean 'you are in trouble' 'tell me the gossip' 'i did something that you would be interested in' etc. In another one of my classes on campus we used a listener/speaker technique where the listener will ask the speaker to clarify the understanding of what they are saying. This way you can avoid misunderstandings within the partnership. This takes time and knowledge to work with your partner and make sure they understand what you are saying, how you are saying it, and even the nonverbal gestures one can do.

Be careful with how you are communicating with your spouse, family, and everyone. Be cautioned with sarcasm. I thought about when it is good to use sarcasm and I could not think of any. Think about it! Know what you are doing and learn what your spouse is communicating to you. It will bring you closer together when you can understand each other.

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! A CRISIS!!!!!!!!!!

One thing I never wanted for my family was to have a crisis. The thought of growing as a family from having a crisis made me squirm with horror. Who would ever want that for their family?

My twin sister was ran over by a car at the age of three. I would define this as a crisis for my family. My mother and father remained calm but I could tell, although I was only three, that they were worried for their daughters safety. They immediately ran her to the doctors because my mother trusted our doctor with everything. They found that she had a broken pelvis but with the miracle that it was only broken in one spot. Most pelvis bones break in two spots which cause a lot of problems. She did not have to be in a cast or worry about the alignment of her body, it would heal correctly, the only thing she had to worry about was the pain. I was a mess, sitting in corners holding my doll so tight and crying my mother had no clue what to do with me. My twin was hurt and I couldn't help her. My maturity level was not high enough to realize she will be alright all I could see was her bruises and hear her cries.She healed up and with only a few tire scars on her stomach nothing else remains.

And again I think, how was this good for my family? One thing I realized is the closeness I got with my sister. Although we were already close as close I knew I never wanted to lose her. My siblings and I became protective of her even though she did not want it have us doing it all the time. As a family we grew closer because of the love and care we have for each other. When one of us is in trouble you have the whole clan there to support you through your troubles. Crises are hard to make through sometimes but knowing that your family is there for you makes you believe you can make it through anything.

Affair Proofing my Relationship

In Wednesday's class we discussed possibilities that can come through seemingly innocent acts. Facebook is a new way to connect with people that is an amazing thing when used in the right way but a death trap for a marriage if used wrongly. Connecting with an old fling from high school can be a dangerous act of connecting with strong bonds other than those with the most important person in your life, your spouse. The emotional connectivity you can receive just by talking through facebook can slowly tear a part a husband and wife. As we discussed all the precautions you can take as a couple to prevent such events I realized my husband and I have not talked or figured out our boundaries. I noticed that he would take time to talk to other girls on facebook that made me feel uncomfortable but he did not notice it to be weird. I discussed with him my worries and he immediately told me that he will stop because he did not want to put people between us. It takes talking and realizing your surroundings to prevent such things but it is possible. 

Marriage!!!!!!!

We began this week discussing the makings of a wedding. The flowers, the dress, the shoes, the venue, etc. All the details can quickly add up to a cost that most couples go into large amounts of debt for. We then connected that finding to why so many couples choose cohabitation instead of marriage was because they could not afford to have a wedding. Is this an excuse you have heard because I have heard it multiple times. Why does a wedding need to be so expensive?

What is most important thing to happen on the wedding day? I am LDS and was married in the Sacramento temple to be sealed for time and all eternity with my spouse. This was the most important thing for me to do that day. It didn't matter what my dress looked like, my make up, etc. One other thing I found extremely important that day was to become closer with my in-laws. My husband is a couple states away from me so I did not know them very well and I wanted to change that. The most important to anyone I believe is the ceremony itself that unites husband and wife into marriage. It is a beautiful thing that I hope everyone can strive for and hope for in their lives.

Dating = Choosing a Partner

As a married young lady I can honestly say I am so glad I am over this part of my life of searching for that one I am going to spend all eternity with. The stresses of dating and knowing whether the feelings that you are feelings are real and if they match the other person, etc. It was a developing time in my life as I am sure others will agree. One thing I found highly interesting was the different kind of loves the Greeks have that we related to our lives. First there is Eros meaning more of the sexual arousal, romantic, and want to be with this person only physically. The second one was Agape which means a love more a fellowmen not necessarily liking the person but having the "Christian" feeling that they deserve a love from everyone. Next one relates to the Parent/Child love named Storge. I found that this love is not only between parent and child but a love that no matter what happen to them or no matter was silly or stupid thing they do you will always love them. And the last love is called Phillia, or the love between friends, brotherly love. As we developed and understood each of these loves we came to realize the importance of each one in a growing relationship. Although Eros seems like a naughty love that is not necessary I found it sometime the most necessary to draw the person from the opposite sex into a deeper love that discusses more serious things. Another thing I realized was the path you take through each one to develop all kinds of love. All of them are NEEDED to have a well rounded relationship that will last. I know this is true because I have found my love and I can relate plenty of different times in which we both showed these separate loves to each other.

Men vs. Women

The constant wondering of what the other sex is like, how they think, what they enjoy, etc will most likely never stop but some things will help develop theories on these subjects. During class this week we discussed the working of the man's brain versus a woman's and what the difference was. They found that men had a burst of lights and bright colors while women had a lot of different evenly distributed colors. Now when I heard this I was like great colors in your brain but what does it mean? The conclusion was men focus on one thing and really got into what it meant while women were constantly focusing on many different things at one time. Doesn't it make sense?! My teacher made a comment asking us if you ever ask a guy how work, school, or their day was they will always just say good. This is because they are focused on being home and not on what had happened that day. Now this is completely different from a girl who is constantly focusing on everything at once. That is why I believe they make such good mothers, because they can focus on many different activities and kids and know what is happening.

Culture and Diversity

This week in class the topic that really spoke to me was the study done on Mexican families that came to American over the border. My sister's boyfriend, Tavi, came over the border when he was young with his family. It is tough on families to have the father gone for a long length of time in which his role needs to be filled by the mother or sometimes even an extended family member until he returns. But when he does return there is not always welcome arms to his old responsibilities that have been passed along to others. This can help tear apart families. Tavi told me that his father was only gone for 6 months before the family joined him in America, but I can see the distance that was put between him and his father in that time. Something I also noticed was how he calls several different families his own. Not always having his family together makes me believe that he doesn't really know where he stands in his own family so he looks for other families to fill that whole in his life. Does this make sense to others?

Bonds within Families

There is a system theory used in the family that in some ways makes sense to me. We are made up of these groups that together we can perform a lot better than we can apart. Families are an essential role in the plan of salvation because of that strength we can get from one another in a family. Also in these bigger groups there are smaller groups called sub groups. In my family I know there is a few groups: one containing my parents, and another big one is the group of me and my twin sister. These bonds are greater than anything I know of and nothing can come between us. I feel sad for the families that do not share this same love and bonding within a family because I honestly don't know where I would be right now without the support and love of all of my family members.

Sketchy or Reliable Research

             This week in class we discussed the research that can be found on the family. There are plenty of statistics out there on the family that can be found all over the internet. So how can you tell which is reliable? One major thing that made a lot of sense to me was citing one's credentials. I have written enough research papers to know that the things I have cited in my paper have a lot more umph to them. Another thing I was thinking about during our discussion in class was the statistics that were just so absolutely ridiculous that it had to be fudged. 

             How important is it that the research we find be reliable? Personally I find the more research one knows about the more well rounded one is when discussing a topic. Knowing the affects certain situations could have on child can help anyone who deals with children at any time in their lives. It is worth the extra work to make sure what is being found is well-researched work.