Hello?! Can you hear me? Golly gee we need COMMUNICATION!

There are multiple ways of communicating and everyone thinks their way of communicating is the right way. When a marriage happens between two separate beings with two very separate ideas on communication that can lead to problems when not directly dealt with. Our teacher, Brother Williams gave an example in class between the different ways his wife's family and his family show appreciation to another person. He had worked painting her car for many many hours and when she saw what he did she said, "Hey, thanks." Brother Williams is used to having someone show so much appreciation saying, "Oh thanks you so much, I truly appreciate what you have done for me, I cannot show enough gratitude..etc" The way she acted was not wrong but made Brother Williams feel like she really did not care for the work he had done for her.

A raising of an eyebrow can mean multiple different things in different families and coming from different people. In class we found that some believed this gesture to mean 'you are in trouble' 'tell me the gossip' 'i did something that you would be interested in' etc. In another one of my classes on campus we used a listener/speaker technique where the listener will ask the speaker to clarify the understanding of what they are saying. This way you can avoid misunderstandings within the partnership. This takes time and knowledge to work with your partner and make sure they understand what you are saying, how you are saying it, and even the nonverbal gestures one can do.

Be careful with how you are communicating with your spouse, family, and everyone. Be cautioned with sarcasm. I thought about when it is good to use sarcasm and I could not think of any. Think about it! Know what you are doing and learn what your spouse is communicating to you. It will bring you closer together when you can understand each other.

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! A CRISIS!!!!!!!!!!

One thing I never wanted for my family was to have a crisis. The thought of growing as a family from having a crisis made me squirm with horror. Who would ever want that for their family?

My twin sister was ran over by a car at the age of three. I would define this as a crisis for my family. My mother and father remained calm but I could tell, although I was only three, that they were worried for their daughters safety. They immediately ran her to the doctors because my mother trusted our doctor with everything. They found that she had a broken pelvis but with the miracle that it was only broken in one spot. Most pelvis bones break in two spots which cause a lot of problems. She did not have to be in a cast or worry about the alignment of her body, it would heal correctly, the only thing she had to worry about was the pain. I was a mess, sitting in corners holding my doll so tight and crying my mother had no clue what to do with me. My twin was hurt and I couldn't help her. My maturity level was not high enough to realize she will be alright all I could see was her bruises and hear her cries.She healed up and with only a few tire scars on her stomach nothing else remains.

And again I think, how was this good for my family? One thing I realized is the closeness I got with my sister. Although we were already close as close I knew I never wanted to lose her. My siblings and I became protective of her even though she did not want it have us doing it all the time. As a family we grew closer because of the love and care we have for each other. When one of us is in trouble you have the whole clan there to support you through your troubles. Crises are hard to make through sometimes but knowing that your family is there for you makes you believe you can make it through anything.

Affair Proofing my Relationship

In Wednesday's class we discussed possibilities that can come through seemingly innocent acts. Facebook is a new way to connect with people that is an amazing thing when used in the right way but a death trap for a marriage if used wrongly. Connecting with an old fling from high school can be a dangerous act of connecting with strong bonds other than those with the most important person in your life, your spouse. The emotional connectivity you can receive just by talking through facebook can slowly tear a part a husband and wife. As we discussed all the precautions you can take as a couple to prevent such events I realized my husband and I have not talked or figured out our boundaries. I noticed that he would take time to talk to other girls on facebook that made me feel uncomfortable but he did not notice it to be weird. I discussed with him my worries and he immediately told me that he will stop because he did not want to put people between us. It takes talking and realizing your surroundings to prevent such things but it is possible. 

Marriage!!!!!!!

We began this week discussing the makings of a wedding. The flowers, the dress, the shoes, the venue, etc. All the details can quickly add up to a cost that most couples go into large amounts of debt for. We then connected that finding to why so many couples choose cohabitation instead of marriage was because they could not afford to have a wedding. Is this an excuse you have heard because I have heard it multiple times. Why does a wedding need to be so expensive?

What is most important thing to happen on the wedding day? I am LDS and was married in the Sacramento temple to be sealed for time and all eternity with my spouse. This was the most important thing for me to do that day. It didn't matter what my dress looked like, my make up, etc. One other thing I found extremely important that day was to become closer with my in-laws. My husband is a couple states away from me so I did not know them very well and I wanted to change that. The most important to anyone I believe is the ceremony itself that unites husband and wife into marriage. It is a beautiful thing that I hope everyone can strive for and hope for in their lives.

Dating = Choosing a Partner

As a married young lady I can honestly say I am so glad I am over this part of my life of searching for that one I am going to spend all eternity with. The stresses of dating and knowing whether the feelings that you are feelings are real and if they match the other person, etc. It was a developing time in my life as I am sure others will agree. One thing I found highly interesting was the different kind of loves the Greeks have that we related to our lives. First there is Eros meaning more of the sexual arousal, romantic, and want to be with this person only physically. The second one was Agape which means a love more a fellowmen not necessarily liking the person but having the "Christian" feeling that they deserve a love from everyone. Next one relates to the Parent/Child love named Storge. I found that this love is not only between parent and child but a love that no matter what happen to them or no matter was silly or stupid thing they do you will always love them. And the last love is called Phillia, or the love between friends, brotherly love. As we developed and understood each of these loves we came to realize the importance of each one in a growing relationship. Although Eros seems like a naughty love that is not necessary I found it sometime the most necessary to draw the person from the opposite sex into a deeper love that discusses more serious things. Another thing I realized was the path you take through each one to develop all kinds of love. All of them are NEEDED to have a well rounded relationship that will last. I know this is true because I have found my love and I can relate plenty of different times in which we both showed these separate loves to each other.

Men vs. Women

The constant wondering of what the other sex is like, how they think, what they enjoy, etc will most likely never stop but some things will help develop theories on these subjects. During class this week we discussed the working of the man's brain versus a woman's and what the difference was. They found that men had a burst of lights and bright colors while women had a lot of different evenly distributed colors. Now when I heard this I was like great colors in your brain but what does it mean? The conclusion was men focus on one thing and really got into what it meant while women were constantly focusing on many different things at one time. Doesn't it make sense?! My teacher made a comment asking us if you ever ask a guy how work, school, or their day was they will always just say good. This is because they are focused on being home and not on what had happened that day. Now this is completely different from a girl who is constantly focusing on everything at once. That is why I believe they make such good mothers, because they can focus on many different activities and kids and know what is happening.

Culture and Diversity

This week in class the topic that really spoke to me was the study done on Mexican families that came to American over the border. My sister's boyfriend, Tavi, came over the border when he was young with his family. It is tough on families to have the father gone for a long length of time in which his role needs to be filled by the mother or sometimes even an extended family member until he returns. But when he does return there is not always welcome arms to his old responsibilities that have been passed along to others. This can help tear apart families. Tavi told me that his father was only gone for 6 months before the family joined him in America, but I can see the distance that was put between him and his father in that time. Something I also noticed was how he calls several different families his own. Not always having his family together makes me believe that he doesn't really know where he stands in his own family so he looks for other families to fill that whole in his life. Does this make sense to others?